Golf Gypsy – up to her knees

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“If your knees aren’t dirty by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”  Bill Watterson

I ponder whether this quote is meant for gardeners or golfers.  I do, however, have a golfing friend who found out the hard way what it means to have your knees dirty by the end of the day.

During a warm fall day, she (who will remain nameless) duck hooked her ball into a nearly dry pond on hole #8 at The Trails Golf Course. Normally, this pond is full of intimidating water, although I personally believe that the water table rises in the summer and spring because of all the golf balls that are covering the bottom of the water.

Playing with her son and best friend, she was determined to hit the ball, lying 20 yards away, out of the drying sucking muck. Her first mistake was thinking she could even get to her ball. The muck showed prior footsteps that a dinosaur could have made squishy sticky and deep.

Her first steps were down the embankment covered in grass and rocks, allowing her to sidestep any slippery slope. Her next few steps were sticky and slippery. Luckily, she carried her 8 iron with her for balance and to strike the ball. She took another few steps confidently getting deeper into the muck allowing her to walk and not lose her shoes.  She knew she could hit her ball out of the muck and onto the green grass near the hole.

In the final approach to her ball, she began to tip from side to side while her friend and son looked on, already realizing that she might be in trouble.

No one remembers whether she hit the ball or if she even reached the final destination. What they do recall is her sudden high-pitched scream heard ’round the golf course, “I can’t move! My feet are stuck!”

“Seriously,” her friend called out, “pick up your feet slowly, one by one, and turn around.”

“I can’t,” came the scream.  Like Tonto sinking in the quicksand, they watched as she mucked around shoeless and sinking deeper with each step. The Lone Ranger was not there to rescue her. What were her friends to do?

It was serious enough that no one bothered to take a picture.

Her son grabbed his driver and slowly made his way towards his mother. Her friend took the arm of the son and a saving lifeline was created. However, it was noted that the people playing on the green on hole #7 watched and could not or did not choose to help. An imagined cartoon picture shows the on lookers laughing and pointing in disbelief.

At last, her son hollered, “Mom, this is serious. Forget your shoes and turn around and grab the driver.”

“But my hands are sticky, and I’ll ruin your new club.” She replied. “I can’t balance myself enough to carry my club and reach.”

“Mom, throw that club up on the bank after you take two steps toward me.”

Whether in anger or fear, she took two sucking steps and threw the club out of the mud hole and past the golf cart to the middle of the fairway, and in the same action grabbed her son’s club head and nearly fell face forward.

With the strength of Sampson her son stood still and pulled slowly allowing his mother to take one small step at a time until the ground could hold her.

Slowly methodically two people stepped backwards crawling out of the mud and muck, while the golfer stepped forward toward the shoreline.

When all were safe on the dry fairway their laughter could not be contained.

Her knees were dirty brown by the end of the day.

As she thought about her decision to hit the ball out of the mucky pond, she could only laugh. Those of us who witnessed the event or heard about it from others, who saw and heard the live action, won’t forget the sight, and recognize that only a truly dedicated daredevil golfer would ever attempt that shot and we love her for that reason.

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